


In Focus

by blueorangecrush



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sentinels & Guides, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-25 22:06:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13843974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueorangecrush/pseuds/blueorangecrush
Summary: Sometimes everything goes out of focus.  Sometimes it's too hard to see at all.  Sometimes it's too sharp and too bright.Someone knows how to fix it.





	In Focus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elenajames](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elenajames/gifts).



> Hey, I hope you like this, elenajames! I ended with Josh being up on the Islanders last season because I'm too mad/frustrated about this season right now really.

Josh doesn’t have an off switch, is what it comes down to.

He goes hard and fast and bright because it’s all he _can_ do.  It’s always how he’s going to play, and he’s tired of people telling him that it won’t work. 

He’s played midget with Connor McDavid and it’s all too fast, too bright, too much, and one of them is going to burn brighter and brighter and the other?

The other just might burn out.  And of course it’s going to be Josh that burns, not goddamn Hockey McJesus.

He likes Connor, none of this is Connor’s fault.  It’s just - it’s just -

It’s double-or-nothing, is what he hears in his head, words he can’t really explain.

—

The Islanders draft Mike and then, somehow, they trade up to get Josh.  

He’s a first-rounder.  He’s worth having.  And Mike’s his friend.  And - and something about Mike is comforting, is making Josh feel like maybe he’s going to be okay.  He’s a calm, mature, reassuring presence, and Josh realizes that he’s really going to miss Mike after cuts.  There’s no way Josh is staying up, he knows that, not yet.  And then Mike goes back, too.  

The Islanders staff had told Josh all kinds of little things he needed to work on, conditioning and nutrition and defensive-zone play, and they also talked to him about physical awareness.  Seemed like they were trying to talk _around_ something, and Josh tries to follow the directions but he feels like something’s missing.

He has to laugh when he follows the draft and the Islanders make almost the same set of trades they made to draft _him_ to draft a kid from the Q that he doesn’t really know.

—

He had thought that when they did the blue and white rookie scrimmages, they would put Josh and Mike against Mat and Tito - the two 2014 first-rounders against the 2015 first-rounders.  But for some damn reason, they really want to play mix and match, so he’s playing with Tito and Mike gets to play with Mat.

Josh isn’t sure what to think of that, until they get on the ice together.  And it’s like _nothing_ Josh has ever felt before, on ice or anywhere.  Everything is clear, everything makes sense on a deep, indescribable level.  

He can’t wait to get back for training camp.  He keeps training, he goes to Jamaica and helps build a school and lets camera crews follow him around, he goes on a golf trip and tries to learn from the older guys on the team, and he counts down the days.

And something inexplicable goes wrong.  He can’t hear his alarm, can’t feel Mike trying to wake him up, can’t - anything.  Can’t explain it to the satisfaction of any of the team staff, and they make him run the stairs for three hours and then send him back to the OHL.  And it hurts.  And he tries to get answers from Mike, from _someone, somewhere,_ and nobody has the answers.  It’s like they’re embarrassed by him even asking questions, even wanting to know _what the fuck is happening to me?_

—

He gets through the year, does what Niagara tells him to, stays as small and quiet as he can, which honestly isn’t all that small or quiet.  It’s enough to get them to the OHL final, and then swept _in_ the final.  Which is embarrassing but apparently not that different from what happened to Tito over in the Q.  And it helps, hearing that he’s not the only one.  And it helps, hearing from Tito.  He doesn’t know why it helps so much but it does.  The world stays settled down.  Josh stays settled down.  Whatever that thing was that happened to him last summer, it’s not happening any more.  

And then Josh is back at rookie camp for the third time and he knows Mike wants to hang out, but he doesn’t feel right around Mike. It’s sad, really, they’ve been friends for years, Mike’s stuck up for Josh through a whole lot of shit, but - but Josh is _scared_ to hang out with Mike right now.  He knows he needs to get over it, they’re going to be teammates one way or another sooner or later, but - whatever happened last summer is still weighing Josh down, dulling every sense except the taste of blood from biting his cheek without feeling it.

—

When the big list of cuts comes for Bridgeport, Mike and Josh are both on it.  And whatever was wrong with their friendship, it seems to be fixing itself.  They’re okay.  They’re going to get a place, maybe get one of the older guys on the team to live with them, start their careers for real.

Okay, so it’s not the big show, not yet.  Josh had dreamed that he would make it in early, wouldn’t have to go through this, wouldn’t even have to go back to juniors.  But it’s just a small setback, being here now.  He’s going to make the best of it.  He’s going to smile and high-five kids and hang out with Mike and listen to the coaches and it’s going to be okay, and maybe next year they’ll give him a chance.

The chance comes much sooner than Josh expects, and he know they wouldn’t have called him up if they hadn’t basically run out of right wings, there’d just been so many injuries.  

He concentrates as hard as he can on _not fucking up,_ and he wishes he could actually score an NHL goal, could prove he belongs.  It finally happens against Edmonton, Connor on the other team instead of on Josh’s line but the ice still bright and sharp and loud as it was when they were kids and that extra edge propels a slap shot from a distance that goes in.  

He’s done it.  He’s scored a goal in the NHL.  He’s made it this far.

He basks in the smiles and the approval of his teammates, accepts the ridiculous leather jacket and struts around in it proudly, accepts the chirps that Hammer presents alongside the jacket.

He falls asleep _hard_ that night, and wakes in a panic.  No, no, no…did that thing just happen again where all his senses were gone?  He drags a fingernail against his thigh, just to make sure he’s _there._   His vision is a little dimmer than he’d like, but his other senses seem to be in normal working order.

Tito pulls him aside when they get to the locker room.  “Listen.  I was captain of my team in the Q, I learned - sometimes people have trouble, things don’t feel right, I can - can fix it a little sometimes? You - I thought I heard you shouting, earlier, bad dreams?”

“You’re like half the hall away from me, damn, I hope I didn’t wake anyone else up?”

“I just - I know this stuff.  Can you trust me?” Tito asks, face concerned and serious.

“I - yeah, I trust you.”

“Good.  I will see if we can change rooms so I’m in with you.”

—

There are more changes.  Josh and Tito get moved to the same line.  They’re spending so much time together, and it feels good.  It’s calming, centering, Josh has never felt this _together_ in his life. 

But at the same time, Josh wants more.  Or, well, what he wants could be called _less._ He wants even less distance from Tito.  And Tito seems happy to oblige. 

They don’t talk about it, but they head for the same bed one night, sleep curled into each other, and Tito just asks, “Sleep well?” with a smile the next morning.  

“Yeah.  I - yeah, thanks,” Josh manages.

The next game, Josh scores off of a perfect feed from Tito and flies into his arms to celebrate and the thought _I want to kiss you_ is there, and he’s not sure which of them it came from or if it was both of them thinking at once.

They get through the rest of the game and the post-game interviews and the flight and the check-in to the next hotel and then finallyfinallyFINALLY it’s just them and a door closed against the knowing smirk of one of the older guys.  

“I don’t know what I want to do first!” Tito says, laughing as he looks up at Josh through his glasses.

It’s sweet and hot and Josh is already melting.  He concentrates on making it over to the bed before his legs give out and then whispers, “Just come _here,”_ and Tito follows him onto the bed. 

The kiss tastes the way the fabric of Josh’s draft day jersey felt, something so much more than the thing itself.


End file.
